Monday, March 26, 2012

Sometimes You Just Know What You Need to Do

Liv came on a cloudy Sunday at dawn.  I'm reluctant to share my birth experience as it is deeply personal but I feel it's important to relay, as the decision to come home proved to be a very, very good choice.  This blog is my own personal writing salvation and I'm finding it necessary to record this.  It's certainly walking the "too much information" line but it is our life, and it is what happened.  Proceed if you'd like, otherwise this entry was written for me, by me.

Labor began at six in the morning on St Patrick's Day.  Ian was supposed to work at Indigo that night and rake us in a boat-load of cash.  It became clear around four in the afternoon, that this in fact, was the real deal and that little Liv was already impeding on our financial situation.  Bless her.  Contractions were consistently six minutes apart until eight at night and then the puking began.  We called it at eleven, loaded up the car and headed to the hospital.  By the time we had arrived, I was dilated four centimeters.  The nurse filled up the jacuzzi and I labored for three and a half hours in the tub while Ian held the puke bucket under my chin when I needed it.  I opted to go au natural and, as the pain intensified, I could feel myself leaving my own body.  When I got out of the tub I walked around for a while, leaned up against Ian during some strong contractions, flopped myself over the end of the bed ... anything I could do to remain vertical and keep things moving along.  Around five, it was time to push.  My doctor came in around this time and we pushed for an hour as Ian held one of my legs.  We joke that this was certainly not part of his birth plan.  He envisioned the privacy curtain starting at my stomach with him near my face, oblivious to the happenings 'down there.'  Not the case at all.  He was the best coach ever.  He told me how to breathe, when to breathe, when to start over, and when to give it a little more.

And then the first look of concern came from the doctor.  I heard her say, "double nuchal" and had no idea what it meant.  The cord was wrapped around her neck twice, and she wasn't breathing.  Ian told me later, she looked like a mummy.  They untangled her, went to suction her lungs and nose and the machine wasn't plugged in.  They got it running and within seconds, I heard her scream.    I pushed the rest of her body out and then she was on my belly.  That part happened so fast that I didn't even know it was occurring.  Ian cut the cord and she fed within seconds as I cupped her little wet head.  Our baby girl was here.  And with shameless cliche, I can write ... there truly are no words for that moment.

The next part I will write in spared detail.  You can google "manual placenta extraction" if you don't know what it is, and care to find out.  It became more clear after the baby was on my chest that there was a bigger problem at hand.  The books say that pushing out the placenta is easy in comparison to actual birth.  Mine didn't want to come out though.  We tried and tried and tried, but it had broken into pieces.  With much patience and diligence, the doctor got it all out after about an hour.  It was far worse than the actual labor.  My placenta was ravaged.  She actually showed us the pieces and said, "she had never seen anything like it."  The topper was how the cord had been attached to the placenta for the duration of the pregnancy.  Most cords are attached by veins and tissues that take up an area the size of a half dollar.  Hers was attached by three thin veins that could have separated from the placenta at anytime.  We were the talk of the ward.  I went back two days after she was born to go see a lactation counselor and her first comment to me was, "oh, that was you."  My doctor said that most other doctors are quick to rush women to the OR in those situations but that she had learned a lot of the extraction techniques in her midwifery training.  In the end, her comment was, "well, everything that could've gone wrong, did. I'm glad you guys came home."  The birth, the extraction and the stitching were all done sans medication.  I still feel like a fucking warrior.

And in the words of Uncle Clinto, our dear friend in Nicaragua in reference to us coming home, "sometimes you just know what you need to do."  Yes, things may have been very different there.  But they may very well have been exactly the same.  The thought of doing that at Vivian Pellas Hospital in Managua with doctors that don't speak English ... well, no thanks.  The important thing is, we're all healthy and happy, and things turned out just fine in the end.

To Liv!  (life)

Born on my Grandmother's 93rd birthday.  The first phone call ....


Sunday, March 25, 2012

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Okay, OkAY!



By popular demand .... here are two self-portraits.  Almost 39 weeks 
and certainly ready.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

It's been a month since we left Nica again.  There are days where I wish I would've have stayed and stuck out the hard stuff but mostly, there are these recent days, back in Hawaii, that are comfortable and easy, and filled with love and family, that make me perfectly at ease about welcoming our child into this world.  Ian never made me decide to come home.  He decided for me, on a car ride back from Granada one afternoon.  He made it easy for me, as he always does.  There are days I can't believe how lucky I truly am and there are days that I am unable to surmount the great joy that I feel about the next chapter of this lovely little life we have.  Any day now...

Ian was project master in our time back in Central America.  He made sure that plenty got done in the short eleven weeks we were back.  As I mentioned in the last post, we put a false ceiling in the bedroom and installed a ceiling fan.  Ian put shelves in our bedroom closet.  We also greatly improved the efficiency of space in our kitchen.  (which of course, made Melly a very happy lady!)  We had some nice custom-built cabinetry made for underneath our stairs, put up shelving above the counters, and installed a custom pantry.   We added a handful of new posts under the house for some bonus structural stability - you know, just to be sure!  You can never have too much support on a house as tall as ours.  Ian also got some custom picture frames made, one in particular for the 25th Anniversary Eddie Aikau poster we got a couple years back.  (Haha!  Refer to "The Van's Greatest Day" post from way back in 2010 for a fun reminder of this story!)  So anyways, the house is really coming together and it was tough to leave it in it's new and glorious state.  Did I mention we have hot water now?  Pretty sweet.  A bigger deck is next on the list ...












On the way back to Hawaii, we made a nice five day stop in LA to see Ian's family.  His grandparents live in an excellent house in Hollywood Hills with a perfect view of the Hollywood sign from bed.  During our visit, I joked (but wasn't really joking) about going to Michael Jackson's grave while we were in town.  That afternoon we went to Hills and Highland instead, and low and behold, the streets were shut down for an MJ tribute!  His family was there to dedicate a cement plaque in front of Shriner's Theater.  It was pretty much life-changing for me.  MJ's mom, his brothers, his kids, Quincy Jones, Smokey Robinson, Justin Beiber... they were all there.  Totally awesome.  Anyways, Ian's parents came out to LA too and we all bid Sean and Kellin a farewell as they parted for Italy the following week.  Ian and I managed to make it to his uncle's beach house in Leucadia for a night too.  I got to meet some of Ian's old pals and he and his boys got to catch some fun, afternoon surf.  We all had dinner in town and drove back to LA the next day.  















So, here we are again.  It's always good to be back in Hawaii Nei.  I've been doing some online work thanks to Kellin.  She started with this company last year and has been putting in a good word for me.  Ian is also picking up bar shifts downtown and I've got another idea brewing for my next Etsy venture.  Things are looking good.  I'm down to my last two weeks of this seemingly forever pregnancy.  What a crazy time this is - the anticipation of birth.  I feel acutely aware, of everything.  So, the next time I write, we're going to be parents.  Totally awesome.