Monday, August 27, 2012
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Back to Life
Back to life, back to reality - I have that 80's jam stuck in my head after watching Ian head-off to his new job at the Disney Resort during the wee hours of the morn today. After a lengthy, corporate training period, he is dialed-in and bringing home the bacon for his family. I'm trying my best to pull-off a new Etsy business from home while taking care of Liv which has proven to be difficult but, almost possible. If you're in the market for some cute baby-shower gifts, visit Surfing Baby on etsy.com. Liv is fully on the move now which incidentally, is a total game-changer. Not only has she been doing the full-roll for weeks, she can, what I like to call, 'inch-worm' her way across the bed. The days of an immobile, sleeping baby lump are over. This morning I woke up to her screaming, only to find her foot wedged in a crib bar, and poop smeared all over her sheets. Awesome. Seriously though, it really is awesome but, whoever said that raising a child isn't easy sure as hell wasn't lying!
That's pretty much it for now. For some reason, this morning's poop incident inspired me to check in.
And of course, I wouldn't sign off without a couple of photos for my people....
That's pretty much it for now. For some reason, this morning's poop incident inspired me to check in.
And of course, I wouldn't sign off without a couple of photos for my people....
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
The Sunshine After the Rain
Well, where there's sunshine and rain, there is generally a rainbow and if Ian and I are rainbow chasers, ours always seems to end in Hawaii. Our pot of gold ... which incidentally, has quite a lot to do with family. Somewhere in the midst of this last jaunt to the mainland, we figured out that we are very, very tired. As I'm sure all of you are having a hard time keeping up with where we are on the globe, we're having an even harder time keeping up with ourselves. Sometime in mid-June, we broke. Sometime in mid-June, we thought it would be an excellent idea to slam on the brakes. And sometime in mid-June we realized, the best place to do this would be right back where we came from. Hawaii. So, after packing up, selling everything we owned, re-writing our lives one more time, and determining that this was our course, we take it all back. We take back everything we said. We've vowed to stay in Hawaii for at least a year and do what most people do. Just stay still for a while. And while I'd like to say that everything has been puppies and unicorns unfortunately, it hasn't. Quoted from another blog I love called Momastery, the author writes, "We don't have to worry about being any good when we're at our worst, we just have to keep trying. Because when people only show up at their best, it causes confusion and leads folks to believe that others are always strong, and sailing through life. That's just not true. We gotta show ourselves when we're all beat up and scarred too. That's what people need to see, much more than our shiny selves." So, while we're a little broken and battered, we're definitely on the mend and we're with family. It turns out ... this is the most important thing in the world.
My little pea pod! Thanks Aunty Brooklyn
Tummy time on GG's blanket
Hiking with Mom and Dad
Ian calls this, "The Impending Apocalypse"
In the beach tent with Big Poppa
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
The Forty Year Storm
The heavens rained down for three days straight. I believe they were crying over my teeth. The forty year flood of Duluth left us with eleven inches of rain, stranded on Shultz Lake for four days, and the road washed out in two places. I will always recall this blip of my life with a clap of thunder in the background. I'm glad it rained. I'm glad it was stormy. I'm glad that the haze of percocet and lidocaine and fourteen appointments in three weeks was accompanied by something record-setting. It felt big. And it was big. All of it. The weather and losing my teeth. Losing my teeth. I don't know if I'll ever get over it. All in good time. I know. But damn, this is hard. It is so fricking hard. Thank god for my baby. Thank god for Ian. Thank god for my family. And Puna. And the sunshine after the rain. The sunshine after the rain .....
Friday, June 8, 2012
WTF
Ugggggh. I don't even know where to begin. Most of you are aware that we are not in Nicaragua and I will make the explanation for our state of affairs as short as possible. A week after we booked our tickets abroad, our manager and good friend called and offered us two months of solid work at Sen during the peak season in the Hamptons. We thought it was a good idea financially, and decided that two months of work would be far less stressful than our originally intended five. This way, we could still go to Nicaragua for a month, and then head to New York for the busy July/August season. Then, four days before our departure date to Central America, Ian received word that the nightclub he worked at last season wanted him back again. This, however, was under the stipulation that he be in New York by Memorial Day weekend which subsequently, was in three days. We had already questioned whether or not it made sense to go to Nicaragua for a month and in the end, we decided the money was far too good for our new little family to pass up. We were also feeling much more comfortable with Liv at this point so, he left for NY the following day and I wrapped up our loose ends in Hawaii over the next week.
Since my work wouldn't begin until the fourth of July, I decided a trip to Minneapolis was in order so my grandma could meet her great-granddaughter. To get there however, I was going to have to cross the ocean with Liv and Puna, by myself. Needless to say, I had a little anxiety about the whole situation because, don't forget - Puna is a service animal and would be travelling at my feet on the plane. Everything went as well as it could have despite the fact that Mama didn't sleep for fourteen hours. Liv had one blowout about an hour into the first flight and while mama changed her diaper in the bathroom, Puna stayed at our seat and didn't budge an inch. Good dog! It was all worth it in the end, because this picture will forever be in my heart. Plus, Liv and I got the best sleep we've ever had when we finally made it to Grandma's basement. I think we slept for eighteen hours!
Four Generations
So, now I will take you into the next chapter of our crazy little lives. Yesterday, I found out that I have advanced chronic periodontitis, and that my entire top row of teeth needs to be removed. They have completely deteriorated at the roots and I have a constant, low-grade infection associated with the disease. I now understand why I have been feeling sick and run-down all the time. I thought it was just from being a new mom but, a recent toothache finally brought me to the dentist. My mom was diagnosed with gum-disease at forty so, I knew it was in our family. Also, for five years in my 20's I took a drug for epilepsy that has been known to contribute to alveolar bone loss. Then, of course, there was the pregnancy which can do a number on your teeth and gums, as well. The doc says that being pregnant more than likely accelerated an already troublesome situation. All these factors, compounded with the simple fact that I have slacked on routine cleanings and basic maintenance over the last three years, has led me to where I am today. I am completely devastated and still getting over the initial shock that next week, at 34 years old, I will be getting 18 teeth pulled and fitted for a temporary denture. I have a long, painful, expensive road ahead of me. I'm completely embarrassed that it happened so young and I'm even more mad at myself for not seeing someone sooner. They call it the "silent disease" but, never in a million years did I ever think it could be this bad. I am starting the initial procedures in Duluth. Obviously, it's important that I rid my body of the infection first, and the only way I can do that at this point, is to have my teeth taken out. For my own piece of mind and everyone else's, I've researched whether or not my breast milk is transferring the infection to Liv and rest-assured, breast milk is an amazing substance. It was already producing extra immunities to protect Liv before I even knew I had an infection. I have found nothing to convince me to stop nursing my child. The only infectious diseases they say you should stop breastfeeding for are HIV, Hep A and B, and Lyme's disease. The infection will be gone within a few days of my teeth being removed.
SO, FUCK. Yes, FUCK. I rarely swear in this blog but this chapter deserves a big, fat FUCK. The hardest part of this situation is that our family is not together. I have never been away from Ian and we're going on 16 days now. Today is his 30th birthday and I'm so pissed we're not together. The good news is, I think the initial part can be done in four weeks and from there, I can head to NY. The other good news is, it's just my teeth. As absolutely horrible as it is, it's not cancer, it's not death, it's not something that hinders our abilities to continue living in the way that we do. So, we just deal with all that life throws us .... one day at a time ....
Here are some Liv pictures to lighten the mood ...
Saturday, April 28, 2012
So Many Roads
Well, we're officially six weeks into parenthood. I love the elasticity of time. This has been the shortest and longest six weeks of my life. Ian and I are both sleep-deprived but are taking in every precious moment of Liv's rapid development. Her personality is fierce. She is strong and thoughtful; stubborn and sweet. I had no idea that such a little creature could display so much emotion. It's completely fascinating. She has gained weight quickly and is in the 87th percentile for height. Her big hands and feet and enormous wing-span have family members hopeful for a basketball star. My personal road to post-partum recovery was long and a little rocky. It took time and reflection to process my birth experience. I'm still slightly traumatized by it, but have found a positive place for it in my memory. Her birth truly was the greatest moment of my life and every time I stare down at her as she's feeding, I can't help but think I'm the luckiest person on the planet. She's perfect and for that, we're truly blessed.
So, on to the next chapter. We had convinced ourselves somewhere along the way, that going back to the Hamptons this summer would be the best thing to do, financially, for our growing family. Sometime before the baby came, we committed to our job at Sen again. And then the baby came. Total idiots! What were we thinking? The new addition proved to be far more time consuming and stressful than we had anticipated and going back to New York would have come way too soon. Last week, we regretfully declined our positions after reassessing our priorities. How quickly babies change things! Liv is officially calling the shots. While we'll miss the friends and money we made last summer, we'll have far more time to spend with our number one girl. After I got pregnant last year, Ian and I talked about how great it would be to raise Liv in Nicaragua without having to work our asses off to make ends meet. This is the conversation that we recently re-visited. We still have a decent amount of money saved and have made the decision to go back, as it was the original plan. We have a couple of opportunities for income and with the season beginning right around now, we decided we'd be crazy not to go back and give it a solid try. So, as soon as Liv has her first round of vaccines, we'll be on our way. Her passport came in the mail yesterday and our tickets are booked for the 25th of May. Mama can't wait to surf again and Daddy is stoked he'll be down there just in time for his big 3-0.
So, on to the next chapter. We had convinced ourselves somewhere along the way, that going back to the Hamptons this summer would be the best thing to do, financially, for our growing family. Sometime before the baby came, we committed to our job at Sen again. And then the baby came. Total idiots! What were we thinking? The new addition proved to be far more time consuming and stressful than we had anticipated and going back to New York would have come way too soon. Last week, we regretfully declined our positions after reassessing our priorities. How quickly babies change things! Liv is officially calling the shots. While we'll miss the friends and money we made last summer, we'll have far more time to spend with our number one girl. After I got pregnant last year, Ian and I talked about how great it would be to raise Liv in Nicaragua without having to work our asses off to make ends meet. This is the conversation that we recently re-visited. We still have a decent amount of money saved and have made the decision to go back, as it was the original plan. We have a couple of opportunities for income and with the season beginning right around now, we decided we'd be crazy not to go back and give it a solid try. So, as soon as Liv has her first round of vaccines, we'll be on our way. Her passport came in the mail yesterday and our tickets are booked for the 25th of May. Mama can't wait to surf again and Daddy is stoked he'll be down there just in time for his big 3-0.
Liv's first photo.
Liv with Grandma B
Liv with Grandpa B
Not digging bath time
First family picture on the Old Pali Highway
Liv's first surf check
Check out our new beach tent!
Great Grandma made this quilt!
GGma and GGpa
Kailua beach!
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sometimes You Just Know What You Need to Do
Liv came on a cloudy Sunday at dawn. I'm reluctant to share my birth experience as it is deeply personal but I feel it's important to relay, as the decision to come home proved to be a very, very good choice. This blog is my own personal writing salvation and I'm finding it necessary to record this. It's certainly walking the "too much information" line but it is our life, and it is what happened. Proceed if you'd like, otherwise this entry was written for me, by me.
Labor began at six in the morning on St Patrick's Day. Ian was supposed to work at Indigo that night and rake us in a boat-load of cash. It became clear around four in the afternoon, that this in fact, was the real deal and that little Liv was already impeding on our financial situation. Bless her. Contractions were consistently six minutes apart until eight at night and then the puking began. We called it at eleven, loaded up the car and headed to the hospital. By the time we had arrived, I was dilated four centimeters. The nurse filled up the jacuzzi and I labored for three and a half hours in the tub while Ian held the puke bucket under my chin when I needed it. I opted to go au natural and, as the pain intensified, I could feel myself leaving my own body. When I got out of the tub I walked around for a while, leaned up against Ian during some strong contractions, flopped myself over the end of the bed ... anything I could do to remain vertical and keep things moving along. Around five, it was time to push. My doctor came in around this time and we pushed for an hour as Ian held one of my legs. We joke that this was certainly not part of his birth plan. He envisioned the privacy curtain starting at my stomach with him near my face, oblivious to the happenings 'down there.' Not the case at all. He was the best coach ever. He told me how to breathe, when to breathe, when to start over, and when to give it a little more.
And then the first look of concern came from the doctor. I heard her say, "double nuchal" and had no idea what it meant. The cord was wrapped around her neck twice, and she wasn't breathing. Ian told me later, she looked like a mummy. They untangled her, went to suction her lungs and nose and the machine wasn't plugged in. They got it running and within seconds, I heard her scream. I pushed the rest of her body out and then she was on my belly. That part happened so fast that I didn't even know it was occurring. Ian cut the cord and she fed within seconds as I cupped her little wet head. Our baby girl was here. And with shameless cliche, I can write ... there truly are no words for that moment.
The next part I will write in spared detail. You can google "manual placenta extraction" if you don't know what it is, and care to find out. It became more clear after the baby was on my chest that there was a bigger problem at hand. The books say that pushing out the placenta is easy in comparison to actual birth. Mine didn't want to come out though. We tried and tried and tried, but it had broken into pieces. With much patience and diligence, the doctor got it all out after about an hour. It was far worse than the actual labor. My placenta was ravaged. She actually showed us the pieces and said, "she had never seen anything like it." The topper was how the cord had been attached to the placenta for the duration of the pregnancy. Most cords are attached by veins and tissues that take up an area the size of a half dollar. Hers was attached by three thin veins that could have separated from the placenta at anytime. We were the talk of the ward. I went back two days after she was born to go see a lactation counselor and her first comment to me was, "oh, that was you." My doctor said that most other doctors are quick to rush women to the OR in those situations but that she had learned a lot of the extraction techniques in her midwifery training. In the end, her comment was, "well, everything that could've gone wrong, did. I'm glad you guys came home." The birth, the extraction and the stitching were all done sans medication. I still feel like a fucking warrior.
And in the words of Uncle Clinto, our dear friend in Nicaragua in reference to us coming home, "sometimes you just know what you need to do." Yes, things may have been very different there. But they may very well have been exactly the same. The thought of doing that at Vivian Pellas Hospital in Managua with doctors that don't speak English ... well, no thanks. The important thing is, we're all healthy and happy, and things turned out just fine in the end.
To Liv! (life)
Born on my Grandmother's 93rd birthday. The first phone call ....
Labor began at six in the morning on St Patrick's Day. Ian was supposed to work at Indigo that night and rake us in a boat-load of cash. It became clear around four in the afternoon, that this in fact, was the real deal and that little Liv was already impeding on our financial situation. Bless her. Contractions were consistently six minutes apart until eight at night and then the puking began. We called it at eleven, loaded up the car and headed to the hospital. By the time we had arrived, I was dilated four centimeters. The nurse filled up the jacuzzi and I labored for three and a half hours in the tub while Ian held the puke bucket under my chin when I needed it. I opted to go au natural and, as the pain intensified, I could feel myself leaving my own body. When I got out of the tub I walked around for a while, leaned up against Ian during some strong contractions, flopped myself over the end of the bed ... anything I could do to remain vertical and keep things moving along. Around five, it was time to push. My doctor came in around this time and we pushed for an hour as Ian held one of my legs. We joke that this was certainly not part of his birth plan. He envisioned the privacy curtain starting at my stomach with him near my face, oblivious to the happenings 'down there.' Not the case at all. He was the best coach ever. He told me how to breathe, when to breathe, when to start over, and when to give it a little more.
And then the first look of concern came from the doctor. I heard her say, "double nuchal" and had no idea what it meant. The cord was wrapped around her neck twice, and she wasn't breathing. Ian told me later, she looked like a mummy. They untangled her, went to suction her lungs and nose and the machine wasn't plugged in. They got it running and within seconds, I heard her scream. I pushed the rest of her body out and then she was on my belly. That part happened so fast that I didn't even know it was occurring. Ian cut the cord and she fed within seconds as I cupped her little wet head. Our baby girl was here. And with shameless cliche, I can write ... there truly are no words for that moment.
The next part I will write in spared detail. You can google "manual placenta extraction" if you don't know what it is, and care to find out. It became more clear after the baby was on my chest that there was a bigger problem at hand. The books say that pushing out the placenta is easy in comparison to actual birth. Mine didn't want to come out though. We tried and tried and tried, but it had broken into pieces. With much patience and diligence, the doctor got it all out after about an hour. It was far worse than the actual labor. My placenta was ravaged. She actually showed us the pieces and said, "she had never seen anything like it." The topper was how the cord had been attached to the placenta for the duration of the pregnancy. Most cords are attached by veins and tissues that take up an area the size of a half dollar. Hers was attached by three thin veins that could have separated from the placenta at anytime. We were the talk of the ward. I went back two days after she was born to go see a lactation counselor and her first comment to me was, "oh, that was you." My doctor said that most other doctors are quick to rush women to the OR in those situations but that she had learned a lot of the extraction techniques in her midwifery training. In the end, her comment was, "well, everything that could've gone wrong, did. I'm glad you guys came home." The birth, the extraction and the stitching were all done sans medication. I still feel like a fucking warrior.
And in the words of Uncle Clinto, our dear friend in Nicaragua in reference to us coming home, "sometimes you just know what you need to do." Yes, things may have been very different there. But they may very well have been exactly the same. The thought of doing that at Vivian Pellas Hospital in Managua with doctors that don't speak English ... well, no thanks. The important thing is, we're all healthy and happy, and things turned out just fine in the end.
To Liv! (life)
Born on my Grandmother's 93rd birthday. The first phone call ....
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Okay, OkAY!
By popular demand .... here are two self-portraits. Almost 39 weeks
and certainly ready.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
It's been a month since we left Nica again. There are days where I wish I would've have stayed and stuck out the hard stuff but mostly, there are these recent days, back in Hawaii, that are comfortable and easy, and filled with love and family, that make me perfectly at ease about welcoming our child into this world. Ian never made me decide to come home. He decided for me, on a car ride back from Granada one afternoon. He made it easy for me, as he always does. There are days I can't believe how lucky I truly am and there are days that I am unable to surmount the great joy that I feel about the next chapter of this lovely little life we have. Any day now...
Ian was project master in our time back in Central America. He made sure that plenty got done in the short eleven weeks we were back. As I mentioned in the last post, we put a false ceiling in the bedroom and installed a ceiling fan. Ian put shelves in our bedroom closet. We also greatly improved the efficiency of space in our kitchen. (which of course, made Melly a very happy lady!) We had some nice custom-built cabinetry made for underneath our stairs, put up shelving above the counters, and installed a custom pantry. We added a handful of new posts under the house for some bonus structural stability - you know, just to be sure! You can never have too much support on a house as tall as ours. Ian also got some custom picture frames made, one in particular for the 25th Anniversary Eddie Aikau poster we got a couple years back. (Haha! Refer to "The Van's Greatest Day" post from way back in 2010 for a fun reminder of this story!) So anyways, the house is really coming together and it was tough to leave it in it's new and glorious state. Did I mention we have hot water now? Pretty sweet. A bigger deck is next on the list ...
Ian was project master in our time back in Central America. He made sure that plenty got done in the short eleven weeks we were back. As I mentioned in the last post, we put a false ceiling in the bedroom and installed a ceiling fan. Ian put shelves in our bedroom closet. We also greatly improved the efficiency of space in our kitchen. (which of course, made Melly a very happy lady!) We had some nice custom-built cabinetry made for underneath our stairs, put up shelving above the counters, and installed a custom pantry. We added a handful of new posts under the house for some bonus structural stability - you know, just to be sure! You can never have too much support on a house as tall as ours. Ian also got some custom picture frames made, one in particular for the 25th Anniversary Eddie Aikau poster we got a couple years back. (Haha! Refer to "The Van's Greatest Day" post from way back in 2010 for a fun reminder of this story!) So anyways, the house is really coming together and it was tough to leave it in it's new and glorious state. Did I mention we have hot water now? Pretty sweet. A bigger deck is next on the list ...
On the way back to Hawaii, we made a nice five day stop in LA to see Ian's family. His grandparents live in an excellent house in Hollywood Hills with a perfect view of the Hollywood sign from bed. During our visit, I joked (but wasn't really joking) about going to Michael Jackson's grave while we were in town. That afternoon we went to Hills and Highland instead, and low and behold, the streets were shut down for an MJ tribute! His family was there to dedicate a cement plaque in front of Shriner's Theater. It was pretty much life-changing for me. MJ's mom, his brothers, his kids, Quincy Jones, Smokey Robinson, Justin Beiber... they were all there. Totally awesome. Anyways, Ian's parents came out to LA too and we all bid Sean and Kellin a farewell as they parted for Italy the following week. Ian and I managed to make it to his uncle's beach house in Leucadia for a night too. I got to meet some of Ian's old pals and he and his boys got to catch some fun, afternoon surf. We all had dinner in town and drove back to LA the next day.
So, here we are again. It's always good to be back in Hawaii Nei. I've been doing some online work thanks to Kellin. She started with this company last year and has been putting in a good word for me. Ian is also picking up bar shifts downtown and I've got another idea brewing for my next Etsy venture. Things are looking good. I'm down to my last two weeks of this seemingly forever pregnancy. What a crazy time this is - the anticipation of birth. I feel acutely aware, of everything. So, the next time I write, we're going to be parents. Totally awesome.
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